


Introspection

by satashii



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Or Is It?, TRoS Spoilers, Unrequited Love, inner monologue, one shot for now, sad poe, unbeta’d, unclear ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22002976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satashii/pseuds/satashii
Summary: Introspection: an examination of one’s own mental and emotional processes.A look at Poe’s inner self regarding his relationship with Finn during The Rise of Skywalker. Spoilers for movie included as it takes place during said movie. Rated teen for mild swearing.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	Introspection

He was loosing him. 

Had lost him.

That was the only conclusion that makes sense.The refusal to discuss what he wanted to say to Rey—it was just another sign of the current difficulties that they were facing. He’d thought that maybe, just maybe, after Finn had decided that Rose was just a friend that this thing they’d been dancing around since they first laid eyes on each other would finally progress to it’s destined conclusion. But they kept encountering roadblocks and reasons not to try for more, to push from friendly banter and flirting into recognition of what, he’d originally thought, they’d both wanted.

Now though... now he was pretty sure he had lost Finn. The comments had gotten sharper. The jabs containing hidden sharp edges where they used to be only teases and flirtation.The almost physical push to have him go chat with Zorii... he could take a hint.

He’d never thought that Rey would be the reason... but now, he didn’t see how else to interpret what he was seeing. Finn kept avoiding being with him alone, was trying to talk to Rey alone, even went so far as to use Chewie as a buffer between them but he’d still agreed to playing a game of dejarik.Finn hadn’t been subtle with his teasing about his former life as a spice runner, implying that it was worse than being a stormtrooper or scavenger in tone rather than words.He’d had a history before he’d met Finn, he’d just made the mistake of thinking it didn’t matter when it evidently did.

When he’d asked what Finn was trying to tell Rey, he hadn’t gotten an answer—just a look of frustration and silence. He’d crossed a line somewhere and he couldn’t’ figure out what he’d done wrong to be on the outside looking in. It used to be that any time Finn made a new discovery he was the first to know.Now it seemed, he’d be one of the last to be told.

He wanted to rage, to scream at the universe that he’d seen Finn first, given him a name and the clothes off his back. Fell in love with him first.

But did it matter if Finn didn’t feel the same? That Finn was in love with Rey even though she was focused on Kylo Ren?That she was consumed by her training to become a Jedi...to live up to her teacher’s name?

The mission to rescue Chewie showed just how out of sync they’d fallen. And to be rescued by Hux? Of all people... but they’d made it off the ship and back onto the Falcon. Which he’d then completely managed to fuck up everything, including the ship with that landing.

Landing on Kef Bir, he could admit that his emotions were raw and he’d spoke harshly to Finn—which he’d regretted as soon as he’d walked two steps but couldn’t look back when Finn didn’t call for him, just let him leave. His father would be ashamed of him for that.

Finn kept giving Rey these looks as she focused on obtaining the Sith Wayfinder. He used to look at Poe that way.He hadn’t been surprised to learn that Finn had followed her to the downed Death Star, past the waves that made him shake with fear when he’d realized where Finn had gone without him.

Even taking everyone back to base once he’d unfucked the Falcon, including Finn’s new best friend, all he could focus on was getting back to Leia.Leia, who’d been a substitute mother to him for so many years and the one person he thought might soothe his broken heart. Who’d let him cry until he was done. Who’d tell him what to do next because none of this, none of it, was something he knew what to do with.

She had died without him there to say goodbye. He did his best to not show it but he was emotionally bleeding out inside when he saw her body, wrapped in cloth in her bed. The blows kept coming from the universe and they were on the clock to try and save it. There’d be no motherly hug, no advice, no guidance. He was on his own.

The navigational data from Rey was the lifeline he needed, the Resistance needed. He was a General without purpose... but now he had something to physically do that could make a difference.And if he didn’t come back from this? Well, there were worse deaths and worse causes.

He wasn’t suicidal.That would be misinterpreting things.He just knew that he had to go all in on this mission. Sending the recorded message to the core worlds was desperation and he knew there was a good chance that nobody would respond. But what else could he do?He knew what Leia would ask him to do. Each Star Destroyer they took down would slow down the First Order maybe just enough to save some of the free worlds for someone else to rise to thwart them given time. He needed to give hope to those who would follow after—and give Rey time to do whatever it was a Jedi needed to do.He grew up on stories about how the Jedi took down the Emperor and he would need to trust in the Force even if he couldn’t feel it himself.

Fastening his harness, he tried to tell himself that he’d be back here soon. Giving the orders to the fleet, he led them out.As he put in the first leg of the trip, he prayed to Leia.Prayed that she was still looking out for him and the Resistance.

He couldn’t ask for Finn over the comms.What was there to say at this point that wouldn’t put more strain between them? Loving someone meant that you put them first—and Finn didn’t need any more distractions from him.They both had their role to fill.

For the Resistance.

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be a glimpse inside Poe’s thoughts during the movie up to before the final battle. When I was watching the film I couldn’t help but feel that Oscar Issac’s Poe was constantly looking at Finn and waiting for a reaction that he never got, like they were out of sync relationship wise and felt something was going wrong. The end of the movie made me feel more hopeful for them (Stormpilot forever!).   
> Can be read as either Poe overreacting and assuming too much or as really one-sided love (I’m of the opinion Poe’s overreacting to things). I may write a sequel (eventually—likely need to see the movie more than once to do that) but I saw the movie and had to get this out of my system so I could keep writing my other, longer, project fic.


End file.
